


Skywarp And The Wonders Of The Unnatural World

by Spoon888



Category: The Transformers (Cartoon Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: And Planet Earth, And Their Distinct Absence From This Fic, Crack, Gen, Mermaids, Much To Skywarp's Disappointment, Pointless fluff, Skywarp Being Gross, Starscream being Starscream, Thundercracker Doing The Bare Minimum, Unicorns, Weaponised Saliva
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:09:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28617837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spoon888/pseuds/Spoon888
Summary: The Elite Trine have a very serious and mature debate on the existence of mythical creatures.
Relationships: Skywarp & Starscream & Thundercracker (Transformers)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 187





	Skywarp And The Wonders Of The Unnatural World

Elite Air Warriors would not be Elite Air Warriors if they were not in possession the sharpest vision fifty-million years of Cybertronian evolution had to offer. Which meant, when Skywarp returned from covering Thrust's patrol with the Conehead's claiming he'd seen a mermaid, it was hard to explain it away as a trick of the light, something simple like the glare of the sun against a rising wave. 

Skywarp's vision was as good as any seekers, so if Skywarp _said_ he'd seen a mermaid breaching the waves from an altitude of thirty-thousand feet above, Thundercracker was inclined to believe him. 

Starscream wasn't. 

_Starscream_ was more inclined to pin Skywarp down and stand on his head so he could scrub his optics with solvent because it was more likely there was a smudge on his optical lens than their trine-mate seeing a 'mythical creature'. 

"Does it really matter if he saw one or not?" Thundercracker queried, watching Skywarp finally get the upper hand and punch into the exposed gear on the back of Starscream's knee. 

Starscream collapsed with a furious hiss and Skywarp, still half-blinded by solvent, was able to surge up, drag Starscream down to his level, and pin _him_ to the floor instead. 

Starscream spat a stream of language so vulgar it would have made a Kaonite dockworker blush. 

"I _saw_ one!" Skywarp insisted, blinking rapidly to clear his optics as he settled on Starscream's chest, "That stuff _stings_ , Screamer!"

Thrashing against Skywarp's heavier bulk -warp drive's weren't the lightest of machinery- Starscream hissed and snarled and scratched, "If you didn't let yourself get so _filthy_ I wouldn't have had to use it! When did you last visit the wash racks?! You stink of grease!"

"Who needs the wash racks?" Skywarp knuckled his optic, flashing him a squinting smirk. "Nothing wrong with a little spit shine." 

"Vile," Starscream sneered. 

"Works for me." A malicious grin overtook Skywarp's face. "Here, I'll show you," he offered cheerfully, before making an awful throaty noise that signified gathering up a good surplus of oral-lubricant, presumably with which to spit at Starscream. 

Starscream stilled in horror. His dark features turning a concerning shade of pink as a string of spit dangled precariously before his face. 

"He knows where you recharge, Warp," Thundercracker called. 

Skywarp sucked the spit back up with a nauseating slurp. But, not about to let Starscream off the hook completely, he stuck a finger in his mouth to wet it and jabbed it in one of Starscream's shoulder-vents. Starscream howled, thrashed, managed to work an arm free from beneath Skywarp's clunky aft, and batted his assailant across the face. 

Skywarp tumbled to the side, laughing. Starscream sat up with his null rays humming threateningly. 

"You can't shoot in here," Thundercracker reminded him calmly. "Just had the habsuite repainted." 

Starscream's expression was thunderous. He gestured with his null-rays, "Skywarp, go and stand out in the corridor so I can shoot you!"

"There's no time for that!" Skywarp argued. "Don't you wanna see the mermaid?" 

Starscream's optic twitched, "Mermaids aren't real." 

"Yes, they are!" 

" _No_ they _aren't_." 

"Why aren't they real?" Thundercracker asked curiously, aware that he was unnecessarily lengthening this _loud_ argument, but sometimes it was fun to see how much screechier they could get Starscream's voice. 

Their trine-leader gave him a dull look, "Because they're made up." 

"I've seen pictures," Thundercracker insisted. 

"Yeah-" Skywarp jumped on the bandwagon. " _He's_ seen pictures. _I've_ seen a real one-"

"You really think there are humans swimming around the ocean?!" Starscream demanded. "Human's with fish-scale fins? It's a biological impossibility. It's not how evolution works on this planet!" 

Skywarp shared a knowing look with Thundercracker, "This is like the unicorn thing all over again." 

Starscream was near shaking with rage. His ventilations were coming a little sharp and fast. 'Unicorns. Are _not_. Real."

"Horses are real," Thundercracker pointed out. 

"Rhino-saurus's are real." Skywarp nodded. 

" _Rhinoceros_." Starscream snapped. 

"Maybe a long time ago a rhino-saurus and a horse fell in love and had a unicorn sparkling," Skywarp folded his arms and leaned back like he'd solved all the unanswered questions of the universe. "See, evolution's not that hard to figure out, Screamer." 

"We're not talking about unicorns!" Starscream suddenly burst out. "We're talking about mermaids! Which don't exist. Which you _didn't_ see-!"

"Maybe a human and a fish did it?" Skywarp raised to Thundercracker, who was listening to his every idiotic word with obvious intrigue. "And they made mermaids?" 

"It's possible," Thundercracker agreed, just to wind Starscream up. 

"Isn't nature amazing?" Skywarp smiled. 

"Well," Starscream sneered darkly, "Since all these imaginary creatures have started coming to life I suggest the two of you take care during your next flight patrol, lest you be eaten by a _dragon_!" 

Skywarp smile disappeared. His optics were pale with fear as he looked between the two of them. "...Do dragons really migrate this far?" 

Starscream threw up his arms and stomped from the room, "Idiots!" He howled out in the hallway. 

"Well," Skywarp sighed. "At least _you_ believe me huh, TC." 

Thundercracker picked up his data-pad and went back to the magazine article he'd downloaded onto it. "It was a whale, Skywarp." 

"How would you know?" 

"Did it have a blowhole? Was it twenty metres long?" 

"...Maybe," Skywarp looked away, pouting, "So I _exaggerated_ a little! What are you gonna do, tell Screamer I lied?" 

Thundercracker shrugged apathetically, "Where's the fun in that?" 


End file.
